Bum Cheese

It's cheese. And it's a chalet. And it's named after your BUM.

You can't go wrong with a place called Heini's!

-K.

Drunken Good Friday Thoughts

Disclaimer...I have had exactly two Bass and am pretty well tanked. I am the ultimate lightweight. At least I'm a cheap date.

So I went to Good Friday Mass. Which, if you're Catholic, you know it's not really a Mass but the Passion Service. Whatever. You still get Communion, you still listen to a really long winded guy tell you about how to be good. Same gig. So I'm sitting in the pew and it's the part where the guy up front says "We pray for so and so and blah blah blah blah blah..." and the rest of us, not really caring much at this point, respond "Lord, hear our prayer."

So the guy up front says something to the extent of "We pray for the Jews, that they remain strong in their belief in God and remain strong in their covenant as God's chosen people."

And I'm all, wait a minute.

It's Good Friday.

And we just prayed for the Jews.

Now, I'm as touchy feely everybody's ok non denominational bullshit as the next guy, but isn't this a conflict of interest or something?

Isn't this the whole reason we're HERE?

-K.

Things With Holes.

Tell me how bad I suck.

It's Friday night, I'm kid-free, the boyfriend is sick and not here. I purchased $5.00 worth of Miller Lite (which is really a six of longnecks), and have been consuming it all by my little self.

I'm watching Unwrapped, hosted by Double-Dare-licious Marc Summers. Tonight's subject is "things with holes". I feel dirty. Hold me.

PS I invited CoconutCain. She's also drinking and blogging. Whee!

Popping My Cherry

Hello
Yur Drunk

This is my first post on this blog.

I was invited here by Mr. Dobbs.

So I hope I won’t dissapoint.

I am not sure to what degree of drunk you must be to post here.

Does being buzzed count?

Does wanting to be drunk count?

Do we leave in all typos or backspace and correct them?

I think I will be a good drunken contributor for the following reasons:

1. I am really good at getting drunk and at being drunk.
2. I am a really great drunk person when I am drunk
3. I kiss girls and touch their boobies when I’m drunk
4. Sometimes I do the same thing to boys but replace boobies with crotches.
5. I say lots of really stupid things that I will regret in the morning.

I hope you will enjoy.

Thank you…

(p.s...yes i'm drunk right now..just because i wasn't sure and wanted to be sure i followed the rules, etc. etc. etcetera... danny kaye is the shit)

Dinner into drunk

Miraculously my sinus infection haz faded. I felt so good I, worked out tonight and decided to go out to dinner. I know a place that makes fine steak/potato pie for dinner, it is so good that it makes my colon twitch. I went there and the fifty taps of dank, dark 10-15% proof beer got in the way. So I beat a couple beers back to wash down the pie. I was still thirsty from my earlier work out, so I had another and then as if on cue Satan sent in a hot young lady to stand next to me at the bar. She had red hair and a tight body. She talked to me about her recent self-discovery about her family about her history. We introduced one another at the same time, strange. Her body and hands a language of thier own, the way they played with her hair, and batted her eyes, as her hands ran over her contures, told me a story of, "If your nice to me and make me laugh we could probably have sex." Her giggle and laugh her closeness and scent open conversation was leading... to me laughing at tempation and going home with a smile.

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by

Thought for the Day:
Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.
Peter Ustinov English actor & author (1921 - 2004)

On starting a New Religion:
Since I get an average of three marriage propositions a week, I have decided to start a new religion, complete with secret hand shakes, robes, smells and bells, Hell, I already have the church bus.



I am planning on basing it on Roman Catholicism and Mormonism and a few other books I have been reading.



This is done for several reasons, first I look damn good in black and second because it would allow me to have many wifes. A working proto-type name would be Mormo-lics. I have always wanted to lead my own cult…and yes you can shave your pits if you must. My God is an accepting God. And best of all its tax deductable.

Some things I from a few books that Have me Thinking:
I woke this morning with two lines that I had read in the past few weeks working around in the dark recesses of my mind, as I remember them they are:

“I learned to not look at my life through the prism of the life my father lead”

and…

When Karl Marx was on his death bed he is reported to have said “I was busy listening to the cries from the past, when I should have been listening to the cries from the future”

Don’t know what to do with those to bits yet, but I am sure they are stuck there for a reason.

Your Words for the Day:
Mabuti: Filipino origins- Tagalog word for "good".
Example: Pinay 1: Kamusta? (Greeting, like "Hi how are you?") Pinay 2: Mabuti! (Good - as in I'm doing well)

Gansta Grip: Something that "gangsters" do by holding a handgun sideways, holding a handgun sideways will not only lower the accuracy to a minimum, it is also easy to disarm the ignorant fool that was holding it sideways.
Example: Cop: I’m glad “gangsters” don’t know how to use firearms

Gandu: Hindi word for asshole. Also used to describe someone stupid and incredibly dim witted. Sometimes also used when a person is unhelpful or stingy or just plain anal. Despite certain claims, the word gandu has no connection with homosexuality. A gandu is not a homosexual man, no more than an asshole is a homosexual man. It stems from the word "Gand", pronounced "gaa-nd" which is a crude word for someone's ass. A very popular Indian curse word.
Example: "I'm not surprised he fucked up, he is a gandu!" or "He's not going to help, he's a real gandu"

I hope you enjoyed your multi-cultural words for the day, remember boys and girls to uses each one at least three times today. A yes, this will be on the test.

Your Bill for the Day:

SONNET 16
But wherefore do not you a mightier way
Make war upon this bloody tyrant, Time?
And fortify yourself in your decay
With means more blessed than my barren rhyme?
Now stand you on the top of happy hours,
And many maiden gardens yet unset
With virtuous wish would bear your living flowers,
Much liker than your painted counterfeit:
So should the lines of life that life repair,
Which this, Time's pencil, or my pupil pen,
Neither in inward worth nor outward fair,
Can make you live yourself in eyes of men.
To give away yourself keeps yourself still,
And you must live, drawn by your own sweet skill.

Quote of the Day:
To err is human. (Errare Humanum Est)
Melchior De Polignac

Spiting in the wind and pulling the Mask off the old Lone Ranger, I remain:

JQP DDS

I'm drunk and smell like a stripper

I was stripping the tile floor in the kitchen tonight and I had an Idea. As soon as I reached a good stopping point I put on my jacket an headed to the strip club. I go to the gentleman's ballet about once a year. I had a good time. Te strippers made me feel like they wanted to touch me; they kissed my neck, smiled at me and ran thier fingers through my hair. It gave me chills when they did that. Before I left I paid for the three on one lap dance. Well worth the 20 bucks. I drank a bunch of hieniekens and ate a pot brownie for dessert. I smell like a stripper, and my house smells like floor stripper. I would like to smell a stripper on my floor. That is all, I'm going to masterbate.