A place for drunkards to vent their unrepressed drunk souls without fear of retribution or a spanking.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Good News




In Portland, The cops are handing out bike lights to riders in lieu of giving them a ticket, Batteries included.

In Cincinnati Ohio, They are baking all food, no frying, and using all natural grains at a cost savings opposed to the traditional "lunch in a can" method. Sales are up and everyone is smiling.

The California grape harvest was big this year.

Teen pregnancy is down.

I am drunk & unemployed

that is all. :)

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Two Yells for Wine in a Box

I'm a cheap date, and I'm a cheap drunk. And considering it's rare that I'm actually home when I'm drunk, you will now be treated to the ramblings of the Coconut.

Hope you all had a great turkey day. I ate too much, drank too much, and fought too much. In other words, I'm Irish. Erin go braugh.

I think I'm required by law to say I'm thankful for something, so tonight I will be thankful for merlot and the inevitable blogging outlet of said merlot (that would be you kids). Even if the merlot did come from a box.

Apparently I'm not proud when I'm drunk. Who knew.

-K.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Etiquette of Drunk Fucking

So... I have a friend who says that she prefers to fuck sober because no sensation is lost, which is ironic because she's the most physically uncomfortable person I know. After myself. Personally, I like nothing better than the hilarious effects of trying to negotiate limbs across the kitchen table as it lurches uncontrollably from wall to wall. I know that this can be a moot point when it comes down to a guy establishing some kind of offensive, but as anyone worth sleeping with will tell you, you don't need a cock in bed to have a good time there. So many lesbians can't be wrong.

It's Saturday night and out of nowhere I get molested by a very drunk woman and nothing is stopping me from having a good time, which was suprising given that I can't count the fingers on my own hand.

Later, as we're lying in bed spooned up and I'm deep inside her, she says something weird. I keep going. Then I think: "did she make some kind of funny joke that I just don't get?" then: "is she so drunk she doesn't know what's going on?". Now I'm an asshole for sure but something about fucking a delerious alcoholic doesn't sit right with me. I know I have to make a decision, so I decide to stop, but just at that second, I feel everything in my body tighten just a little bit and I know I'm nearly finished.

Much to my on now sober shame, I kept going.

Really it would have taken several people to pull me away at that moment.

The following morning things took a turn for the worse. Over breakfast she looks into my eyes and utters the words I now believe I could have gone all my life without having to hear: "did you fuck me while I was asleep?"