is it too late to go house to house and sing carols to people (after peeing in their bushes)?

i'll be druuunk for christmas
you can count on meeee
i'll have me a hoe
underneath the mistletoe
and have a drink or three

Draw!

I'm way more loaded than you. Admit it, or I'll start flashing you again. Unless you like that in which case I'll start putting on more clothes.

One For The Ladies

or "I am Murphy's slut" or etc.

Well it seems I missed Girls Nite Out.
Here is a picture of Raw Lemonade and Sprizee having a drink;


I think Kelwhy was passed out somewhere and Kat was so ripped she was chattin up a cute boy she didn't realize was a statue of David.

I Was In Your Mattress Back In 1952

Quite accurately it seems I'm hardcore. I can't really describe the extent to which I want to puke or the number of times I had to rewrite this post because quite frankly, friends and neighbours, I am drunk. Damn drunk.

And I touched another man's nipples today. Please don't judge me. It says so in the banner. Banners haunt my dreams.

The day that I meet you, and it is coming soon, don't be afraid to ask to see me naked, because I will oblige like a son of a bitch.

You Want To Go Forever

Slim little elves begat truncated half breed children that chew the cords of the clothes you fashioned from dusty rocket ends that were unused in the war against your second date fiasco.



Unfortunately all ties were lost with the battalion that brought back the intelligence. You have only these diagrams to go on.

What?

Is nobody drinking this weekend? Well....alrighty then. I'll start today off with a bloody mary to get things rolling. A nice spicy hot mary, Skyy vodka and the glass rimmed with celery salt and cayenne. Mmmm. Anyone wanna play? C'mon now, ante up!

somebody have a drink for me!
i went to the dr's and everything looks great
i even got to hear a heartbeat.

very cool
and a bit strange....there isn't usually a persons heartbeat in my belly.

anyway...
who's drinkin' for me?

2 glasses of red wine...

I know that really doesn't constitute a drunk...but I am pleasantly buzzed! That should count for something right? right! Hope y'all are having a great night too! Lovers y'all!

What Else Could I Say? Everyone Is Gay

I'm at it again. Blind tankin drunk and everything. I'm the guy you invite to the party because he seems funny then you regret it because I take off my clothes and pee in the potted plants. It's a matter of when not if.

YAY!!

I got shitfaced last night.
It was great.
Although, I wasn't planning on getting as hammered as I did.
Hadn't been that fucked up in a while.
Good times. Good times.
I'm sure there will be pictures to follow. :p

How Do You Own Disorder?

I do lots of things better when I'm drunk, I write better, I play pool better, I fuck better, I think better, I move better (only because I'm so clumsy sober), I play guitar better, I rant better, I swear better, and I'm a happy drunk, so I live better.

Of course, this may all be an delusion brought on by drunkeness.

Drunk in public !

This Bitch is drunk enough for all of us !

Assistance on Aisle 8

So what in the hell do all of you drunks drink when you're sick? Like I've had this nasty head cold for a few days now and I haven't had a drop of alcohol since Sunday. Okay well, I go to have some wine last night and it tasted oh-so-nasty in my sickly mouth. Maybe it just went bad since the box has been in my fridge a week now and I've never held a box over that long.

I need suggestions, I need them pronto.

Hungover thoughts of a Private Man

Quote for the Day:
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Oscar Wilde, In Life of Oscar Wilde, H. Pearson
Irish dramatist, novelist, & poet (1854 - 1900)

On Drunk Thought:
Every now and then I am surprised by the thoughts my friends and I come up with when we are drunk. Last night three of us spent 4 hours and numerous shots, to develop a business plan that involved raising captive bats for their milk.

Middle age sucks, I kind of long for they days when all we wanted to do was get drunk and pick up the easy girls at the local roadhouses.

Pet Peeve:
Ok, my office just happens to be across the street from my favorite bar, so what’s the problem you may ask? Well, dear friend…some mornings walking form my assigned parking place to the building is like navigating a mine field.

What ever happened to the old days when if you had to toss, you went someplace like a dieing animal and did it where no one could see you, and if asked about your disappearance you could say “no man, I wasn’t throwing up, I was just pissing”. …damn, I hate starting my morning by stepping into some one else’s puke.

I remain,

JQP esq.