Fun with PMS!

Some days, I feel barely human. Yesterday was one of them. I felt fat, icky, ugly, bloated, completely less than human, and all I wanted to do was go and hide. I no longer felt fit to be a member of society, let alone show my face in public. My mother, who has never had PMS in her ENTIRE life, asked me why I was so hard on myself. Other than wanting to strangle her for never having had PMS, I really had no answer.

I also had The Zit From Hell...also known as the Doublezit Twins. Yes, this uberblemish was really two inflamed pores in one! Double your pleasure, double your fun! I named it Phil. This thing was like a lunar landing module on my chin, guys. I mean, it was HUGE. It was my own personal flotation device. I've seen tumors smaller than this thing. His Royal Hotness started calling it my "appendage."

Phil and I were not amused.

-K.

Super Fuck Retard

Taken off my own blog because of head hanging in drunken shame.

i do feel this belongs here...where it deserves to be heard in the Yur Drunk context.

One Plus One Is Drunk

i can say with much certainity that i am drunk right now. on the drunk scale however, i am very low on. see how that last sentence made not enough sense as does this one does? i can write better, really i can, but i am not trying now. blogger is fuckin with me and it pokes me with a stick and runs away and i chase it but i cant catch it like on a playground in fifth grade when marty e. says he doesn't like me even though i steal his goody comb.

why is comb spelt with a b at the end anyway?

why is cough spelled cough and not coff?

what is my drink of choice you ask? it is wine. whine. whyne? i haven't dranken wine since Saturday. Saturday i dranken a lot of wine and gin. i could've also dranken sangria but i opted not too. Saturday night i got buzzed and almost drunk maybe.

do you want to know something? well. i know you do. so i will tell you. i don't know. i'm sorry. i really havenothing to say tell you. oh! i know something i can tell you. i want to tell you that if i was a very slutty acting type of person who didn't believe in the vows of marriage who had NO BODY ISSUES WHATSOEVER I would drive to a bar, go over to a group of really cute guys and drink and have fun with them and then ask them if they wouldlike to take me home and fuck the shit out of me. I would first make them all line up over me and i would suck them off and jack them off and then just let them take over and treat me like a little slut because i would be one.

it would be super fun!!


but too bad i'm not and i'll just have one penis for the rest of my life unless hubby agrees to a threesome or we end up in a sex club or drunk with a guy friend and he says go for it. yeah, but otherwise...prolly not hapnin

excuse me now while i go eat creamy peanut butter off a plastic spoon

...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of...

...empty bottles.

best laid plans

I was gonna go out and get stuff to make lasagna for the week. Instead I stayed home and drank beer, watched TV, smoked about fifteen bong hits, and last but not least pleasured myself watching some porn.

I did get some productive things done today. In effort to balance out that productivity some debauchery was called for.

Now I'm buzzing with no coffee mate for the morning.

damn.