The Etiquette of Drunk Fucking

So... I have a friend who says that she prefers to fuck sober because no sensation is lost, which is ironic because she's the most physically uncomfortable person I know. After myself. Personally, I like nothing better than the hilarious effects of trying to negotiate limbs across the kitchen table as it lurches uncontrollably from wall to wall. I know that this can be a moot point when it comes down to a guy establishing some kind of offensive, but as anyone worth sleeping with will tell you, you don't need a cock in bed to have a good time there. So many lesbians can't be wrong.

It's Saturday night and out of nowhere I get molested by a very drunk woman and nothing is stopping me from having a good time, which was suprising given that I can't count the fingers on my own hand.

Later, as we're lying in bed spooned up and I'm deep inside her, she says something weird. I keep going. Then I think: "did she make some kind of funny joke that I just don't get?" then: "is she so drunk she doesn't know what's going on?". Now I'm an asshole for sure but something about fucking a delerious alcoholic doesn't sit right with me. I know I have to make a decision, so I decide to stop, but just at that second, I feel everything in my body tighten just a little bit and I know I'm nearly finished.

Much to my on now sober shame, I kept going.

Really it would have taken several people to pull me away at that moment.

The following morning things took a turn for the worse. Over breakfast she looks into my eyes and utters the words I now believe I could have gone all my life without having to hear: "did you fuck me while I was asleep?"