i got very very drunk
twice in august.

it was quite ugly.
the reason why...and the drunk...
i don't suggest it.

The picture of Lilo drunk is hawt and I can't believe she has been lumped in with passed out Santa below. In fact, I never understood those skin rags called Drunk Chicks that sold alongside of Penthouse and Hustler... at least not til Lilo. Sometime soon I'll come up with ten reason why DLILO (Drunk LIndsay LOhan) rocks my rocks but in the meantime, I think we can all have some refuge in the old saying "Don't hate the player, hate the game."

The trufth, dawg. The trufth.

five stars of drunkeness

5 Levels of a Hangover

One Star Hangover (*)

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 Cokes and still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak &fries.









Two Star Hangover (**)

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***)

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet Coke --- yet you haven't peed once.




Four Star Hangover (****)

Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who
enters the bathroom.


Five Star Hangover (*****)

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of Alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about right now....






THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Specificity
British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious
Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks,
but I don't want to have sex. Nope, no more booze for me. Sorry, but
you're not really my type. Good evening officer isn't it lovely out
tonight. Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing. Sorry I'm
being such a jackass.

i sat down adn the firs thing i noticed was he's staring at my titsi didnt htink my shirt was any more revealing than any other chicks at the bars, but whatver, mayhb e he doesnt get out much. he should look at myh tits , cuz hey, they be looking mighty fine.

hey, have some dinner, have some great conversation. have some overpriced mexican food. have a table for six. have a tequila menu that has 100 different kinds. have shots that cost more than the birth of your children and margaritas that make god smile upon you.
drink up me heartys yo
ehothen when conversation gets loose. and you say, she's hot AND She says no, youre hot, you take an honest look at th etable and go, which coulple would we like to fuck and its unaniumous. that cant be spelled correctly. b ut hey, its J and J for fuckin foursome action.toob ad they hav e twins.
but whatever, 200 doll hairs later i'm in bed with a sparkly clean vagina typing this shit and a snoring man next to me and no foursome hapening at all so its all dissapointment as far as the eye can see. too bad my life is not rockstar.anyway, i accomplushed so muhch shit todya you would be rpoud. holy fuck juesu god moses and thea postles.tomorrow will be more shit accomplushed if i have my way with it. glory bei taped two hitchocock thrillers today bbecause he rules.maybe i will watch tghem tomoorrrow, maybe i wont
f
. eithe rwihcik way, i must be drunk right now beciause i did three patron silver shbot s while everyon eelse with dick sdid only moargaraits. that means, only the girl s had shots and then the oboys had margaritas, but i also had maragaritas, so, whateve r that means, is what it means.if i was a child star, i would be the girl form different striokes becasue she was a crack hwore who shot herself in the face. not really. i have no idea, i m hust just saying hthat.damn it's hard to type when you are obviously driunker than you meant to beit's ten fifty one anbd i amgoin g to bed. shtuttup already.
posted

Well, did everyone have a good memorial day weekend?

Friday night, the gang headed to ST-EX for "Jed's" birthday. I had some gnocchi, and the alaskin smoked salmon, two glasses of red wine. Later on, we went to Polly's on U Street. What a friggin hole in the wall... haha. That place is just for people who want to hook up in the bathroom :P

Saturday, we hit the Howard County General Hospital in Columbia, MD where Paige Elizabeth became my new niece. She was 7.1 pounds and 20 inches long. Afterwards, we went to a impromptu barbeque near Silver Spring.

We visited the hospital again on Sunday evening to make sure the baby and parents were well, also dropped off some photos and said hi to everyone else. BTW, Thats Amore restaurant in Columbia, MD... overrated, but at least the hostess and waitress were cute/underage.

And yestereve, we had a small little dinner with my mom and step-dad at a sleepy chinese restaurant on the outskirts of D.C.

Who -- I mean what -- did you do this Memorial Day Weekend?

Drunk on codeine

WOO freakin' HOO! Yep, I've got strep throat and bronchitis so the good doc gave me some cough syrup with codeine and some other med for the pain of my strep throat - I'm flying high now! Does that count as being drunk? Cuz, it feels that way...

howz life for everyone? Look at the pretty bird flying around with me... sigh...

What is it about airport beer?

Is it that you are spending twice as much to get it? It just tastes better. Is it that you are really in dire need of a beer when you are traveling? That is probably more the case. I'm sitting in the Dallas airport - just left the TGIFriday's on the B concourse - anyone know it? Lovely young man there serving me beer after beer. MMmmmmmhhhhhmmmm! Life is good. I've got another 2 + hours to get home to Huntsvegas... maybe I should go back for 1 more?