.

No. I'm not drunk.
But.
I should be.
Severely.
Flatpassedthefuckoutunderthetable drunk.

After the week I've had.
But I won't bring you down with all the blood and gore.

Instead...

I will do a strip tease for you...
*starts strip tease like music*

*passes out cold from exhaustion*

Sorry, maybe next time. ;)

And It's Not Even Noon Yet

My Monday is shaping up to be something I'll have to drink to forget about.

I've been working on another fluff project for The Giant Leprechaun (though not as fluffy as the project that required me to order 200 donuts and hold a 20 minute conversation with the bakery at Heinen's about the preservative qualities of glaze). Except I haven't been able to actually WORK on the damn thing, since people won't stop calling me and bugging me with their stupid problems. Every time somebody sends me something else to do, I have to stop where I am in the project, assess the new workflow, determine that it's crap and thus not any more important than Fluffy Project du Jour, and then try to pick back up in the project. Then I get to work on the project for about 5 more minutes before somebody ELSE bugs me with MORE stupid crap. Then I got an effin' paper cut trying to open the mail quickly so I could get back to Fluffy Project du Jour. That was totally fun. Oh, and what's all this about how I can't even go to the bathroom without there being voicemail for me when I come back? That's not funny, people. Cut it out.

The following is an actual conversation I had with somebody regarding personal "calling cards" for our conference calling provider:

Me: I remember that all the secretaries were supposed to get those packets too, and I never got one.
Her: I can't understand why the secretaries would need them.
Me: I don't know either, I just remember that we were all supposed to get one but I never did.
Her: But I don't know why we would actually need them. There's no reason for us to have them.
Me: Well, I know, but I know we were all supposed to have them.
Her: It doesn't make sense, though. Why would we get them?
Me: SoAndSo has one.
Her: ::pause:: Well it can't be for her, it must be her attorney's.
Me: Nope, it's got her name on it. It's at my desk right now, she's letting me borrow it to set up this conference call.
Her: Are you sure it's not HerAttorney's?
Me: I KNOW HOW TO SPELL SOANDSO!

PLEASE tell me you are not that dumb. If you are that dumb, you must leave this blog now and never return. This blog will not put up with stupidity from people without proper monetary compensation, or at least an anorexic supermodel's weight in chocolate.

No wonder I have a frigging headache.

-K.

Sometimes I wonder a lot what other peoples little pervy turn ons are. I KNOW everybody has them. For example, [this isnt exactly a fetish] but one girl said she dangled her bloody tampon over her BF and he was completely freaked out by it. She laughed every time she recounted that story.

Spill it people!