Your Daily Whore-o-scope by Johnny:

If your name starts with M then you are wonderin why you arent on your back with a construction worker named Jack Hammer doing some drillin.

If your name starts with K then there's a reason why your nips are perfectly formed -- coz they need to be suctioned hon. muhaha

If you are a libra, gemeni, pisces or your name ends with i or y, some chunky guido is gonna get lucky tonight!

If you can't remember where you are and are missing any articles of clothings, haul your booty down to the clinic for a free testing. Yeah!

Everyone else has a couple of drinks in their future.